Flow

Yet another picture I took outside my window of the sunset:) I guess this is the perk of living in the west despite its relative "isolation" from the rest of the city. I like to think that I live in the suburbs. 

Right now I'm typing out this post to ease the strain on my brain at the Jurong Regional Library. It's pouring heavily outside and I'm starting to feel a little drowsy, so reading Waterland and writing posts should be effective refreshers in between my econs revision. I'm afraid of sleeping cos I'm alone and I don't wanna be tapped on the shoulder by some library attendant.

I really want to stop the flow of time now. Not just because of the upcoming exams, but because I'm afraid of the future in general. I won't be confined within the safe and controlled boundaries of uniformed school life anymore, something I've grown accustomed to and am probably taking for granted most of my life so far. I'll be out there in the real world. That isn't so bad yet. Very soon I'll also graduate from the comforting confines of my family and be on my own.

My family in future (if I do ever have another) would be different from the one I was born in. My sisters would have their own households and everything would just be different. I am close to my parents, especially mom, so I can't imagine being able to cope with their future inevitable passing. Being the youngest, I will be left behind last, provided I don't succumb to accidents or disease before my natural passing.

Thinking of the future like this makes me want to hold on tightly to the present all the more. It's good in a way since I'm more appreciative of what I have now, but bad in a way because I can't bring myself to fully live in the present with the fear holding me back. 

See, I'm worrying about inappropriate things at inappropriate times again. While my peers get stressed up over not being able to do well enough to secure a stable future, here I am unnecessarily worrying and letting precious time flow past me.

Let me live in the present, forever.