At the Moment

At the moment. My thoughts at the moment.

Is it okay for me to be sad if the distance between me and everyone else is attributed to the fact that they have moved on while I stubbornly refuse to let go of what we had? Do they...do they still remember? 

Do they still hold the memories that I'm still gripping tightly in my hands? If that is so, I'm alone back in that place because I remember. Everyone has gone, the place is closed, but I don't want to leave. Let me stay, let me linger. 

 

Or do you still remember? Are we still connected by our past? 

If I could, I want to return to the past, not to change my decisions, but just to look at how we were that time again. I hate to admit it but I miss the significant people in my life in the past. But I don't make an effort to reach out to them. I tell myself, they have others now, and me, I'm probably not significant to them anymore.

But since I can't return to the past, I can only make do with the future. I want to meet up with these few people and ask them, do you remember this, do you remember that?

And maybe, just maybe, we can relive those moments again. I just hope it's not too late.

"Humanity is a discontinuous series of free men irreparably isolated by their subjectivity." Simone de Beauvoir

This quote was taken from one of the loading screens during the PS 3 game Remember Me. How apt, it's a game about memories too! 

The reason why I'm so obsessed with memories probably stems from my need to find my place in this world. There is not a day passing that I do not feel that insecure feeling of being lost. I'm just running away, from everything.

I've been having weird dreams too. Bizarre dreams of people from my past. I haven't talked to them since ages but they appeared in my dreams. 

I like to believe that I'm a strong realist. At this point in my life I take on a view of objectivity at everything. I'm not too concerned about matters of spiritual well being and the supernatural at this point when the time I have to try to explore more into the meaning of religion is limited and thus put on hold.

But who can explain dreams? Who can be objective about a world so unexpected and yet so real? No matter how much you try to give a reason for what you dream, you can never determine the exact cause. And dreams are so personal. My very own world.

This is why my theme in life has long been about Reality and Dreams.