Tuesday 21 February 2017

Youthful Innocence


Yesterday morning, a cohort of 6th graders from the nearby Japanese Primary School trickled into NUS Central Library Forum in two lines, albeit disorderly as they chatted excitedly among themselves. We - the university students at least 7 years ahead of them - watched their arrival with anticipation from the stairs where we were seated, wondering which of the young curious faces looking at us were assigned to us.

As part of our Japanese 3 assessment this semester, we were supposed to plan itineraries for a university tour for these 6th graders, make a brochure, conduct the tour on the actual day and thereafter write a reflection (in Japanese!). My groupmates (Hanxi, Vivian and Sherlyn) all worked really hard on the brochure designs and all, so all was good ^^

Now projects in university are more often than not a chore, but this was fairly exciting to me because how often would you even get to interact with Japanese kid? I think it's pretty easy to meet a Japanese adult these days (I've a Japanese exchange student as a project group member for a linguistics mod now), but a young child? Not so much.

So when the children arrived and sat down in their rows in front of us, I found it really hard to contain my excitement (such that my groupmates were telling me to chill and calm my "pedophile" emotions). Just less than an hour before that as I sped to school in a cab, I was searching up on conversation topics, useful vocabulary etc. on my phone. 浜崎先生 had also sent the names of the children assigned to each group, so I was committing them to memory (HAHA is this a bit extreme?). We were supposed to have five students, but one of the 6th graders was absent. Our lovely 6th graders were Kawabata Jun, Kasahara Kairi, Adachi Haru and Shiozawa Kotone (and I'm typing all these out from memory!)

Everyone (both my groupmates and the children) seemed a little shy and awkward, but I was suppressing all the excitement from earlier on I kinda just burst out with a happy 「おはよう!」Good morning! when we met them. We introduced ourselves and started on the tour. Our itinerary included The Deck, YIH, RVRC Hall and lastly Utown before having lunch there.

Along the way at the first part, the children were a little shy but politely answered our questions, like what their favourite subject is, what they would usually do after school etc. They became more open when talking about their interests.

In fact when while waiting for drinks at YIH's Gongcha (our treat for the children!), I learnt a couple of new things from Jun. He was telling me about this game called シーマン Seaman that he found interesting and wanted to try on his PS2 (he has a PS2!and here I thought kids these days don't appreciate the old stuff anymore). I searched it up on my phone and all of us watched a video on it. Basically it's an old game where you interact with this fish that has a human face, looking something like this:

http://livedoor.4.blogimg.jp/jin115/imgs/a/9/a9b65e25.jpg

HAHA I can imagine your incredulous expression now, because that was me when I hit the search button after typing out the name in katakana as per Jun's instruction. Haru and Kotone took a look and were all 「気持ち悪いよ!」kimochi warui yo! (That's so creepy!) Yup totally agree with you girls. After a while I thought it was kinda cute, and that's when Jun taught me a new phrase 「きもかわ」kimo-kawa =「気持悪い」kimochi warui +「かわいい」kawaii. 

At UTown Green. From left: Vivian, Jun, Kairi, Kotone, Haru, yours truly, Sherlyn and Hanxi.

When we arrived at UTown Green, we saw another group tumbling down a slope from afar. I playfully asked the children if they'd like to do that too and while the girls and Jun hesitated, Kairi was all for it HAHA. We slid down the slopes (both 6th graders and pathetic university kids like myself). I think this was when the children all loosened up because they started engaging us in a game of catch (that I couldn't catch up with *badumtss*). We decided to combine with the other group, who happened to be in the same tutorial, and proceed with the rest of the tour together before having lunch at Food Clique.

The 6th graders were given a worksheet with interview questions for us, so during lunch Haru (who insisted that I sit with her for lunch) asked me questions like why I was interested in learning Japanese, which part of Japanese culture is my favourite etc. When she asked what was my favourite Japanese character, of course I said Totoro and Naruto - to which one of the boys from the other group reacted with interest.

Gathering back at Central Forum. From left: Sherlyn, Hanxi, Kairi, Jun, yours truly, Haru, Kotone and Vivian.

After we gathered back at Central Forum at 1pm, we took a last picture with our kids. Jun commented that the time we spent was too short. Yes I feel that way too, Jun :( Haru was the most attached among the children, so she kept playing around with us. Before she left she exchanged LINE contacts with us :') (Guys I've a 6th grader as a friend!!!)

Hanxi, Vivian, Weiling (who was in another group) and I went to chill in the JSS club room after it was over since we were going to attend a language workshop by Waseda University students later. It was kinda tiring after frolicking around with the children, so I just lazed around on the couches in the room:


And that was when Weiling who snapped this shot commented how Vivian's my kagebunshin (shadow clone - Naruto's jutsu). I thought it was pretty cool so after the Waseda workshop we just had to take a picture together HAHA

Twinning wtih Vivian!

I really really enjoyed interacting with the 6th graders yesterday. They were so full of energy yet they were also polite! It heartened me to see how many things associated with childhood innocence don't really change that much even with different generations. I had this mindset that kids these days are growing up too fast - that is, gravitating towards more adult-like pleasures like make-up and brands too quickly. 

That's probably more reflective of Singaporean or more westernised kids, maybe, but then again it all depends on upbringing. The Primary 5 children I used to teach in Sunday School would be talking to me about the expensive clothing brands that I'd only briefly heard of, or critique how I should wear more trendy, colourful clothing (because I only wear basics in the same few colours). But watching the 6th graders run unrestrained on the field playing an old game of catch instead of using smartphones, or talking about weird old PS2 games really made me happy somehow, as if transported to my very own distant childhood memory myself.

Tuesday 7 February 2017

My Existence

http://www.filmedinether.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/when-marnie-was-there-oscar-3.png

Today's cover picture is from Studio Ghibli's production of When Marnie Was There - based on a novel by Joan G. Robinson. It's my latest Ghibli film so far, and has become an addition to my list of favourite works by the famed studio. I highly recommend it - both the film and the book - if you haven't tried it, especially if you're looking for a book with a quaint, peaceful plot to wind down and while your leisurely hours away. Then again, who actually has leisurely hours to begin with...

These days I've been in quite a daze, as if I'm just drifting along with the motions while the sounds around me get blurred out. Maybe it's my way of unconsciously trying to lighten the burden of reality. I get assignments and chores done as I go down a systematic checklist, but I'm not really thinking... about things like future plans, personal desires - the things that should really get me motivated to push on in life.

I daydream a lot - random old faces surface every now and then and I wonder how they're doing, what it'd be like if we were still close etc. Or I imagine myself with different personalities (like what if I were secretly a sleeper agent, or a mutant), just to keep myself entertained. I'd wonder about how I appear to the stranger sitting opposite me in the train carriage, or try to imagine what kind of lives the people I watch from my seat on the bus lead as it drives them by. As I lie on my bed in the darkness and turn to my side, I think about whether I would go to bed alone like this every other night for the following years to come, or whether I would sense the warmth of another living person next to me. Whenever I hold Skippy and look into his eyes with those slight cataracts, I let the cold realisation of his impending departure wash over me for a bit before I shake it all away...

I feel like nothing.

But that's something.

And even in this lonely, peaceful existence that I revel in, I want someone to notice who I am. I want to be wondered about. Maybe that's why I write, and write and write. I don't write useful, intelligent or even controversial articles that stir the sentiments of people who would eagerly pounce on them to share on social media. That's because I'm not looking for recognition or popularity, or any of those fleeting things. But I want people to know I existed somewhere, some time in this world. That one day in the distant future someone would read my words and know who I was.

I picked up my pen to write the first of many years' worth of diary entries in Primary 6 after I was inspired by The Diary of Anne Frank. She was a figure from the past, but she was real. She was human, with all her dreams and fears. I didn't meet her, but I know her from her own words. Not just Anne Frank - shows like Natsume Yuujinchou and When Marnie Was There with the similar plot of knowing someone from the past get to me as well.

I don't have to invent something or perform some miraculous act for me to claim a place in someone's thoughts when I've expired and gone from this world. I can just be the ordinary but very much existent person I am.


I never had that many friends growing up
So I learned to be okay with
Just me, just me, just me, just me
And I'll be fine on the outside


I like to eat in school by myself anyway
So I'll just stay
Right here, right here, right here, right here
And I'll be fine on the outside


So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon
And think of who knows my name
Would you cry if I died
Would you remember my face?


So I left home, I packed up and l moved
Far away
From my past one day
And I laughed, I laughed, I laughed, I laughed
I sound fine on the outside

Ha ha ha...

Sometimes I feel lost, sometimes I'm confused
Sometimes I find
That I am not alright
And I cry, and I cry, and I cry....

Ha ha ha...

So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon
And think of who knows my name
Would you cry if I died
Would you remember my face?