For Now

I haven't blogged in a long time! I've been pretty busy so far with school work and whenever I had time I'd go sleep haha :)

Looking back on the previous few posts, I find I've been rather moody and all, mulling about life and meaning. It's been a rather painful period for me inside, struggling to find an answer. Well I haven't found my answer yet, but the difference is that I'm putting all, or rather most of my questioning aside for now. You could say I'm in danger of backsliding again. But now sad to say, I don't really want to care, and subject myself to the pain again.

Well, not caring does numb the pain a little, but I still feel horrible all over. Instead of melancholy and misery, I feel hatred, wretchedness and anger mostly. Partly because I'm PMS-ing now hehs. I lose my temper really really easily now so I'M SORRY TO ANYONE WHO HAS TO FACE MY WRATH >_< I come in partial peace, so pardon my outbursts and snappiness.

If only I could take a break from my routine of life, go somewhere alone and embrace beautiful sceneries and nature. I'd lie down and watch the night sky with its infinite number of stars, listen to crickets and the rustling of leaves. Or I'd take a walk down a beach and wait for sunrise while burying my feet in the damp sand and listen to the sea.

The closest I can ever get to that solitude now is at night when I sleep. I love being surrounded by the darkness as I lie on my bed under covers because somehow I feel safe and at ease, compared to when I stand in light, feeling all exposed and subject to scrutiny and judgement of all who lay their vision on me. I am very self-conscious, and I'm introverted mostly. I have low self-esteem behind that façade of confidence that is mostly a farce, a mask I put on to be a stronger person when I'm not.

My world is one of little light, and no mirrors. My world is a confusing yet familiar maze of places I remember. My world is where I reside in, where I seek refuge in my dreams and nightmares alike.

OKAY enough of the deep stuff.

Recently I went to watch My Fair Lady at MBS MasterCard Theatres!

I enjoyed it a lot though it was a pity halfway through there were technical errors where the backdrop tapestry got caught on one corner and ruined the setting. Still, I loved the musical numbers and lively choreography. I wish I could sit in a theatre forever. When "I Could Have Danced All Night" came on, memories flooded back - memories from last year when the senior ensemble members played that song for their SYF!
Secretly, sometimes I wished I had powerful vocals, so that I could perform in a theatrical production like this!

Just today I chanced upon CardCaptor Sakura episodes on YouTube! They didn't have those in the past so I bought a CCS collection from Malaysia when I was in Secondary 2 :) I wanted to be able to have the hard copy collection too for keepsakes!

CCS is one of my most favourite classic animes which is pretty old! People usually think CCS is just a kid's anime, but it's actually really good and makes more sense than most modern animes today:) Watching CCS never fails to make me happy because it retains its old anime feel, yet reaches out to me here at the same time!

 

 

 

Sakura with Keroberos and Yue!

 

 



Oh and this is one of the biggest if not the biggest ship I love for anime! Shaoran and Sakura!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Both of them are SO ADORBS and SO SWEET! and it isn't one of those chummy love stories you see on TV now. It progresses like how a real life romance would, and makes a lot of sense if you exclude all the magic card catching action.

 

And the opening 1 for CCS never fails to get me. It looks really childish but IT REALLY GETS TO ME.

 

Opening 2 wasn't really nice so I won't post it. Opening 3 was slightly better but I felt more emo because that's when Sakura faces a lot more setbacks!

 





 

Anw before I launch into anymore fangirling over CCS, I shall end here! It's small old favourites of mine that does so much to lift my spirits up sometimes. For now.

Horsing Around

The CNY visitations have come to an end (I hope) and now yours truly is left with a croak for a voice.

I can't even scream properly when I drop my phone on the floor. All that comes out is an almost soundless squeak. I am absolutely aghast at my inability to even express myself. Hah.

So this year the general comments I got (the much feared CNY questions your relatives bomb you with) were pretty okay (yay).

Firstly many people commented on how much I've grown since they last saw me. Of course "how much I've grown" can imply SO MANY possibilities -
1) you grew so much I can't recognise you
2) you grew fatter
3) you grew *ahem* prettier

Not much different from last year, just that last year I had more people implying the second meaning and till today I still attribute it to the dress I wore (which still hangs in my cupboard untouched). This year only one uncle said implicitly that I looked fatter and I was prepared enough to merrily agree and admit I ate a lot recently without batting an eyelid! (applause). Shamelessly speaking there were more number 3 comments and while I'm most flattered I attribute it to my hair and my safe choice in my dress!

The question I hear the second most frequently goes something like this in a conversation:

"Eh got boyfriend already not?"
"HAHA no la don't have"
"Eh why. you this age should have already what."
"HAHAHA no la where got time JC so busy already!"

Okay I have to confess I badly want to be able to say "YES I HAVE ONE" without hesitation but NO. It's not that I'm desperate or something but I think it'd be more exciting to be able to surprise the relatives with an answer they were probably not expecting. It'd be great fun to see their reactions hahaha.

Here are some pics:

My 90 year old grandmom! I'm known to granny dearest as "Ah Yan (read: AH-YARN)".

 



My nephew Xukai - he's become a lot more well behaved recently and whenever he sees a young aunt/uncle/cousin he immediately runs and jumps on them and clings onto/hugs them haha.

Cheeky me tricked him into pulling his suspenders forward with his thumbs and releasing them so that they'd snap back to his chest (ouch). Of course i got chided by the other cousins haha

 

My closest cousins of the same generation - Amanda and Liyu! We spent most of the time at Gran's camwhoring shamelessly hahaha

 



The mandatory family photo every CNY! I look older than my second sister Stacey i think :/

Oh and even though I'm supposed to keep it low key and since I don't think a lot of people read my blog, STELLA AND WEIDE ARE EXPECTING!!! I'm going to be a REAL aunt soon while my parents are going to be new grandparents!!:))

 

Here's to a horse-some horse year ahead!!:))))