Behind Me

http://www.zerochan.net/906361 

I keep my eyes on the blur outside my window.

Trees swiftly coming to view one by one before being tugged away 

Behind me, behind my thoughts.

The soft yet steady clanks of the train running over the railway tracks provide me rhythm.

I try to catch a snow flake in my sight but it gets blown away 

Behind me, behind my memories.

The scenery slows and the running trees, losing their stamina, come to a jog.

A slow hiss from the engine, and all is quiet.

I step out of the carriage - the platform boards creaking to life again.

No soul in sight, no thoughts in mind.

A breathtaking white everywhere around me, blinding, yet pure and untouched.

My sigh escapes in a cloudy wisp, disappearing in the icy wind, unheard and unnoticed.

Turning, I walk on ahead in the snowfall, my footprints dotting the white blanket

Behind me, behind my existence.

I was browsing through pictures on the website zerochan when I was struck by this picture made by DAISY. It isn't as elaborate as most other pictures on the site, yet the colors, angle and general vibe of this artwork made me feel a sense of calm and awe. 

I took some time to appreciate it, and tried to imagine what it'd be like to be there in that picture alone. I could see myself sitting alone in a quiet train carriage, gazing out the window as the bare trees and snowflakes run by. When I reach the final station - the end of the line - I'd alight and immerse myself in my surroundings, paying close attention to all the beautiful details. And I'd get to enjoy it all by myself. I'll walk on ahead, and admire the white world carefree, drunk in silent euphoria.

Sometimes when life accelerates to a dizzying speed, there is a desire for time to just stop. A desire to be away from the responsibilities, worries and noise of life. To leave them all behind and disappear in a paradise where no one can find you. Yet even if we could really just throw in the towel and run away, there would still be a gnawing discomfort and unrest in our souls. We could never really escape the realities of life no matter how far we go, where we hide. 

My past self would've relentlessly continued running towards that "paradise", as desperate as a fish out of water. Giving myself the illusion of a possible dream was a way for me to cope with the harsh reality of life - like an illusion. However it just doesn't work that way. You would never be satisfied with those temporary and fleeting delusions, as they are after all, delusions. So I left that past behind me, and started to embrace a new reality which I mentioned to be God. 

Even though at times I long for that brief escape through pictures or other mediums, ultimately I am assured that there is a permanent paradise awaiting, and I am at peace with myself.

Home

http://www.zerochan.net/full/1670646

This semester, I'm taking a GE (General Education) module called Home (GET1003), and it's got me thinking a lot about what makes a home for me.

In lectures, we discussed topics such as what a home is, how it came to be, what it represented/ represents etc. It was intriguing to take apart something so close and examine it from different perspectives. A home is where one belongs - and the things that make you feel like you belong somewhere ranges from the tangible such as furniture, food, pictures to the priceless, intangible ones such as bonds, memories, language, culture.

How a home is usually portrayed in songs, narratives and other mediums was interesting to consider as well. Most of them are from the perspective of someone - a traveller maybe - on the journey home from some place foreign, reminiscing about the sights, the smells and that lady quietly waiting for his return home. There is a deep longing in our souls for some place to return to, or ふるさと furusato: native hometown - the place where we grew up in, the place of our origin. Most of the time, this place is not without its people - the family and friends we love.

I read a few readings that used the feminist perspective to raise the issue about the subordination of women in common portrayals or perceptions of home. There was an almost indignant question about why women are expected to be docile and remain at home and make it homely, while the men travel and go places. Are the women's place therefore in the house, the kitchen?

I personally do not empathize with such a sentiment, and that's because I've been privileged to live in a relatively impartial society and time that accord women more regard and respect than in the early times. On the contrary, I'm actually very attracted to ideas of domestic comfort and hospitality, and wish to reproduce that in my own home.

It falls in line with my ideal perception of a home - a rustic, warm, peaceful and comfortable place that is maintained lovingly, ready and inviting to its inhabitants. I used to find household chores a pain, but somehow recently I've come to enjoy keeping my home tidy for my family despite the exhaustion from having to vacuum and mop my whole apartment. Since my mom started her new job at a school last year, I've begun to take charge of making dinner on more days now, and I feel such warmth and contentment when I cook and watch my parents enjoy the food I make. It makes me so motivated to continue, and I always try to learn new things and get inspiration from the instagrammers I follow. The Japanese are really meticulous and detailed in their food preparations, which I could only imagine to be out of love for the people who are going to enjoy them.

In future, I also want to maintain a comfortable home for the people I care for. However, in such a fast-paced, demanding society that requires you to work hours on end, it would be a challenge for me to create a home the way I envision it to its fullest. Still, it's something I want to work towards to :) It feels something like the cover picture of this post, and my favourite OST Honoka na Kioku (Distant Memory) from one of my favourite anime Natsume Yuujinchou below. Try Natsume Yuujinchou if you haven't - it gives me such a peaceful sense of home as well.