Behind Me

http://www.zerochan.net/906361 

I keep my eyes on the blur outside my window.

Trees swiftly coming to view one by one before being tugged away 

Behind me, behind my thoughts.

The soft yet steady clanks of the train running over the railway tracks provide me rhythm.

I try to catch a snow flake in my sight but it gets blown away 

Behind me, behind my memories.

The scenery slows and the running trees, losing their stamina, come to a jog.

A slow hiss from the engine, and all is quiet.

I step out of the carriage - the platform boards creaking to life again.

No soul in sight, no thoughts in mind.

A breathtaking white everywhere around me, blinding, yet pure and untouched.

My sigh escapes in a cloudy wisp, disappearing in the icy wind, unheard and unnoticed.

Turning, I walk on ahead in the snowfall, my footprints dotting the white blanket

Behind me, behind my existence.

I was browsing through pictures on the website zerochan when I was struck by this picture made by DAISY. It isn't as elaborate as most other pictures on the site, yet the colors, angle and general vibe of this artwork made me feel a sense of calm and awe. 

I took some time to appreciate it, and tried to imagine what it'd be like to be there in that picture alone. I could see myself sitting alone in a quiet train carriage, gazing out the window as the bare trees and snowflakes run by. When I reach the final station - the end of the line - I'd alight and immerse myself in my surroundings, paying close attention to all the beautiful details. And I'd get to enjoy it all by myself. I'll walk on ahead, and admire the white world carefree, drunk in silent euphoria.

Sometimes when life accelerates to a dizzying speed, there is a desire for time to just stop. A desire to be away from the responsibilities, worries and noise of life. To leave them all behind and disappear in a paradise where no one can find you. Yet even if we could really just throw in the towel and run away, there would still be a gnawing discomfort and unrest in our souls. We could never really escape the realities of life no matter how far we go, where we hide. 

My past self would've relentlessly continued running towards that "paradise", as desperate as a fish out of water. Giving myself the illusion of a possible dream was a way for me to cope with the harsh reality of life - like an illusion. However it just doesn't work that way. You would never be satisfied with those temporary and fleeting delusions, as they are after all, delusions. So I left that past behind me, and started to embrace a new reality which I mentioned to be God. 

Even though at times I long for that brief escape through pictures or other mediums, ultimately I am assured that there is a permanent paradise awaiting, and I am at peace with myself.