A Whole New World

 

haha a funny picture to lighten everyone's moods :) they should put this in the show - ratings would shoot up I swear.

 

Promos are like 8 days away and honestly I don't feel as stressed as I did during the June hols prepping for MYEs.

 

In fact my whole life is changed. I dropped H2 Math to H1!!! I was initially hesitant cos promos aren't far off and my ct wasn't really too supportive when I consulted her cos I might lose an edge to the others who offer 4H2s. But dropping math to H1 mightn't be so bad cos I can consider taking up a H3 for my other subjects!:)

 

so Danyel and I dropped and after the first H1 Math tutorial I felt my life was changed. For the better. H1 math didn't even involve trigo, no product or quotient rule for differentiation and no second derivatives. IT'S EVEN EASIER THAN O LEVEL A MATHS!!!I feel like a changed person haha and when Alicia saw me after my first H1 class she was like "oh man you look so happy I feel like dropping too".

 

I'm also slightly more confident for econs after all those remedials with Ms Yip cos I've been improving in the progress tests.In fact i'm starting to like econs more than geog now I think :o but oh wells we'll see how I do for promos!

 

 

I'm starting to feel slightly more contented with life and i'm not so troubled over feelings like I used to.But what peeves me now is that my PW group keeps teasing me about some guitar mate of mine who used to be my H2 Math peer tutor, Shi Ke.

 

And it's not like we are close in the first place, it's cos Yoush my pw mate wanted to take the opportunity to push attention away from her and her own peer tutor since we used to tease them :/ but hey you'd def get the attention since you two text a lot and all.

 

I just had 2 tutoring sessions in school and this happens this is so screwed. The sessions were also harmless really in fact I was scared of him since he didn't seem exasperated by my mathematical stupidity and you know how people who don't seem to get angry at anything are the most unpredictable and therefore scariest.i'm sure he's never seen someone quite as hopeless as me in math so I find it weird that he doesn't get irritated (maybe he was irritated just that he hid it well done you)

 

so now it's really awks to see him in school because whenever I do my friends start teasing and i can't say hi properly like a normal friend. So much for wanting to stay low key in JC, as if all those stupid commotion in sec school wasn't enough to plague and ruin my enjoyment of secondary schooling.

 

Dawn wonders why I'm so peeved since it's not the first time i've ever been teased in my life like this, but there's a difference depending on who you're teased with. Like if you were teased with someone whom you're close to and you've known some time it's pretty understandable since people might have seen the two of you together often. Or if it's someone you actually have feelings or interest for. But my guitar mate is just someone I know from the same cca, don't talk to much except say hi and bye to (until the tutoring sessions started) and who just happened to be assigned to me because the same math tutor we have arranged it that way! grrrrr.

 

I just want to enjoy JC life peacefully without drama and accidents. I had enough of those the last 4 years, enough to make me regret though the experience I got out of them was valuable - i'm stronger and i'm more careful now. Of course I still like looking at good looking guys and girls (VJ has plenty of them, especially the girls) but I don't wanna be involved emotionally - just enjoy the scenic view and that's it i'm happy. 

 

And besides I really don't think I can even get involved since I've become really unfeminine fat and ugly. Eric and Dawn say I look like a guy - they keep using the word "buff" and youxuan tells me that if she wasn't with her boyfriend Billy and if she went les she would want me cos i'm "buff".

 

Honestly i'm NOT buff I have a big guyworthy build and muscular calves (from 6 years of dancing followed by abrupt stop in dancing activity) and arms (4 years of military band training of push ups Buddha claps and holding instruments up for long hours) other than that i'm all fats and nothing. of course I wanna slim down but when i'm stressed I tend to eat a lot so i'm gonna wait till after PW and start running more.hopefully.

 

Also yesterday I had a really fantastic dream.

 

I've always believed when we dream (dream or nightmare regardless) we go to our own worlds, a place we've subconsciously created with experiences of the outside world, terribly strange to others if they could ever just sneak a peak, but familiar though not always pleasantly familiar to ourselves. A world that belongs to us. Just us.

 

So usually the dreams we have are mostly familiar feeling. Like for me, the places I dream of (with different plots sometimes) include a building that has features of both my primary school and my secondary school, an old abandoned but still functioning hotel with a Chinese restaurant in the basement, dark void decks with brightly-lit lifts that have hanging white bodies in them and never stop at the floor you want it to stop and some other places I can't recall now. These dreams are mostly dark, lonely and occasionally pretty scary but somehow comforting in a warped way.but I still have a little fear of lifts (they've killed people)

 

But yesterday's dream was entirely different, like unlocking a whole new world or place in my own world inside.It felt magical and warm, and unlike most other dreams, vivid - I can remember it clearly:

 

I am watching from the dark like in a theatre, dancers performing in the spotlight a play without lines, just beautiful music. Then i'm being pushed onto the stage into the spotlight amidst the flurry of dancing men and women, and somehow I find myself frantically looking at them and trying to emulate their moves, to fit in and be part of the performance (a wonder why I didn't just scoot off the stage).

Then it felt as if there was a change in music (I felt it,i didn't hear it) and I saw some dancers running into the curtains. Before I could react I felt myself being lifted in the air by a pair of strong hands and I thought to myself "someone could actually lift me this is amazing!" and I felt more confident in spite of the impromptu circumstances, lifting my arms like a graceful dancer (embarrassing thinking of it now, but it was a performance after all).

 

I was put down and I turned to face my partner - an older man (prob late 20s?) with short straight red hair and captivating but kind green eyes (this is obviously Caucasian if you're trying to picture my dream  - no he isn't a cosplayer) dressed in a white dress shirt, black pants and a simple black blazer. I sensed he knew I wasn't supposed to be here but he continued the performance nonetheless, the both of us waltzing - a charismatic confident man and a uncertain girl trying to put on a façade of professionalism to no avail, stumbling helplessly. And as if part of the performance I found myself in a warm embrace that signalled the end of the show. He held my hand to do what performers do at the finale, bowing to the audience, after which he smiled.

"The actual actress didn't come?"

"Uh...no..."

"Oh. Well you did a fine job you should do this more often eh?"

And he was engaged by people congratulating him, slowly moving away from me. I was congratulated too, amidst that magical and warm atmosphere I saw a screen with the production title "The Witch's Foot".

 

Then the dream ended and it was Saturday morning, 10.30 ish.