Superwoman

I shouldn't be sitting down here writing a post in the midst of the A Levels. BUT SCREW IT I will write a post. I'll survive this ordeal by keeping my eyes on the future and staying hopeful. So I'll be writing on what I wanna do after As :)

My life goal is to be strong and powerful. And to achieve that I believe that steps should be taken to improve on my physical strength, confidence and skills. Right now I'm as good (or bad) as a gigantic human-shaped sponge because all I do is eat, and sleep and laze around while studying. I've really piled on a lot of weight but I'm not going to let it get me down like before because seriously no one looks at you when they are so preoccupied with their own worries. I was looking through photos on Facebook one day and found a picture of me in early Sec 2 as a Student Councillor during the Sec 1 orientation and I was appalled at how different I looked.

I was SOOOOO SKINNY back then. And tanned. And seriously I don't think I knew how to smile back then because look my my mouth - pressed downwards like a sad face. On second look, I think I look pretty creepy here HAHA.

I'm improving on my confidence socially now through reading out loud from my TIMES magazines (like a news anchor) at home, putting in more effort in keeping a live conversation going (to do that I pretend I'm a radio deejay) and carrying myself with more power such as maintaining eye contact and keeping good posture. I try not to shy away when someone intimidates me and challenge myself mentally to stand my ground. Anna Akana's video on confidence is pretty helpful. I'm aiming for a confidence level like Anna Akana's because when she speaks she really engages people, and everyone wants to listen to her. Plus she sounds good too.

I wanna try lots of things after As so to keep it short I'll just make a list:

In no specific order of importance,

1. Learn Japanese (in preparation for March's trip to Tokyo!)
2. Run everyday
3. Learn Jiujitsu
4. Learn how to ride a motorbike and get a license
5. Learn drums
6. Work at some firm related to media
7. Write a story
8. Go on a photo-taking adventure around Singapore
9. Make short films and music videos
10. Read the Bible and the Qur'an
11. Meet up with significant friends from before
12. Grow a cherry tomato plant
13. Try shooting at a shooting range

These are all I can think so far. Y'know the funny thing is this. I've had this inspiration to be strong for a long while now, but I think it was because of the Resident Evil series. My first encounter with the game series (the movie ones aren't as original as the games but I do watch them to see the similarities) was in sec 4 when I tried a RE5 demo on my PS3 (RIP PS3) and nearly died out of fear and angst. I went on to watch the entire gameplay walkthrough on YouTube and I was hooked. At that time RE6 was about to be launched and I was just so so so excited to watch the walkthroughs online because I couldn't play it myself (besides I'd probably suck at it).

From then on I started fantasizing about a zombie apocalypse and pictured myself surviving through it like the RE characters. And I figured that if I were to be in an apocalypse I have to increase my chances of survival. Throughout the game the characters use guns and arms or engage in physical combat, and occasionally hop onto or hijack a car, a motorbike or a chopper to make their great escape. I don't think I would be capable of any of those actions naturally so I want to be able to at least be fit enough to run and fend for myself or escape on some form of vehicle. I'm probably taking my RE craze a tad bit too far but it doesn't hurt to be prepared haha.

There's this guy from the Art class in my school who's obsessed with army-related stuff, and he always has this weaponry-belt sort of thing with him. Whenever I visit my Art friends in the Art Room I'd occasionally see him doing weird stuff like suddenly launching into a forward roll, treading about like some sort of soldier inspecting a place etc. People in school would probably recognize him by now and sometimes derive entertainment from watching him. But I was telling my friend that if an apocalypse broke out he'd probably be the one with the highest chances of survival.

Of course not all my goals are purely motivated by my fantasies. I also want to develop myself in other areas and be a more capable person. I want to be someone whom I would meet and think to myself "Wow, she's so cool." or "I want to be like her." Most importantly I want to be someone who would do things that others probably wouldn't do and inspire them to do the same. For example, as someone who really values pure honesty, I would want to be someone who'd confront some girl who probably talked behind my back, or go up to someone from way before and clear up some prior misunderstanding over some food. You can't go wrong with being honest I believe.

Anyway it's confirmed! Little Chin is a girl, and she will be my NIECE! I was a little disappointed though because I would've liked to have a nephew. After watching the KBS 'Return of Superman' series, I'm more convinced about wanting to raise one or more children. I would like to have sons though, because I think girls are harder to deal with emotionally than boys being one myself! I was telling my mom that even if I don't get married, I'd still adopt a child to raise.

But there's another dilemma about raising children. I don't really trust maids or child care centres somehow so I want to be able to raise my own kid. But unless my husband is very financially secure or I have some awesome job that pays well with short working hours (or allows me to work from home), I'd still have to get someone else to help with bringing up the kid when I'm away at work. Of course my mom would probably be happy to help but I foresee that she'd also be helping my sisters' kids so I should at least have alternatives. So I thought of an idea - I could set up my own business such as opening a cafe and look after my kids at the same time! It's not gonna be easy, but I really want to be able to give my child the best I can and see to it that my kid grows up well.

Another piece of good news: we're probably gonna adopt a second dog! My family and I've gone to see the 8-year old female long haired dachshund (same breed as Skippy) called Mochi last week, and we're going to see if she gets along with Skippy when we bring her back to our house on 14 Nov. We're thinking of changing her name if we do actually keep her, because all the dogs we've raised so far have been named names starting with 'S', and Mochi is a little weird for us to call a dog. We've thought of 'Skittles' (my personal favourite), 'Shortcake' and 'Sarsi' but we still haven't decided on a good name :/

All of these are my happy thoughts, very useful in this very trying period. I'm not going to let some examination take control of my life because regardless of the results I still have a life to live. I don't know when this life would end, so I'm going to live to the fullest as much as I can.