To Live

It seems that as the days get more hectic with preparations for the national exams, the urge to write becomes more apparent. But I had a conversation (a pretty heated discussion) about life with Dawn today (before we wasted 3 precious hours in the lab watching YouTube videos). The stupid lass stayed back with me while I did my notes on the comp because it was raining and I ended up getting horribly distracted. THIS IS WHY I STUDY ALONE!

So I just wanna write a short post about living life. I'm not a motivational speaker that enlightens people on the meaning of life, but I definitely think that there are too many people out there who are just selfish and immature to play around with suicidal thoughts and easily saying they can take their own lives anytime because there's nothing worth living for.

I don't know how our conversation started (probably a sidetrack from our discussion about the education system), but Dawn and I had different views about living. The girl had said that she could take her life anytime and wouldn't care because she honestly doesn't have a reason to live for. I disagreed. Now this disagreement is not because it is almost taboo to speak about death nor was it  like the automatic "oh don't say that, there are reasons to live for!" response that people around you coo to pacify you. I was disturbed because I know she isn't the only one who thinks the same - so many, and too many people have the similar mindset.

I understand that people generally go on living "for a reason","with meaning". Dawn asked me "So you have a reason to live?". Honestly I don't. But I told her that it's the very process of finding that meaning that is keeping me alive if that's what living is about - for a reason. 

I find it horribly selfish of people who can live to think that they can take their lives on a whim. While they have a choice to go on living, they don't think of the people all around who want to live but don't have the choice to. People who aren't financially privileged, and people whose days are numbered due to disease or age.

The world is a cruel place full of horrible and heartless people, that is not entirely wrong. But if you think that you're looking at paradise through the noose, gazing upon a better place down 10 storeys below your feet or nearing the bliss of painlessness with each blade you draw across your wrist, I think you are delusioned and, you are weak. 

All you are doing is escaping your problems instead of facing them. All you will get in the end (I won't immediately assume it's what you want) is a brief moment of pity and remorse from acquaintances before you are forgotten, and a lifelong haunting for those who actually love you. All you will be is a faint and distant memory, a sad figure inpressioned upon others as someone who couldn't handle the world and murdered himself. You are a murderer. Is pity and remorse still warranted?

How could anyone be so selfish? How could you think of throwing away something so valuable that many others out there covet? How could you dangle the meat in front of others and throw it away so heartlessly into the dirt, wasted and never retrieved again? I'm not even sad that people have suicidal thoughts - I'm in fact really mad and livid the more in think about it!

For whatever reasons you have - being bullied, feeling unloved and unwanted, being stressed and depressed - I think it's extremely important to remember that you are well and alive. Don't take for granted the nights you go to bed setting your alarm even though we all don't know whether we will even open our eyes to morning the next day. Don't take for granted how walking, running and talking is effortless for most of us. Don't disregard every single person you meet in your life and adamantly believe no one regards you. In a world with billions of people we all found each other. 

I'm surprised by myself that I feel so strongly about the value of life even though I'm not religious (stereotype, yes I know now hush) nor am I the most positive person you'll ever meet. We only have one shot at life after which we are nothing. Even if you believe in reincarnation I doubt you will have the same consciousness, so why not just see what life has to offer for you instead of concluding what it hasn't given you with your own death sentence?

If you have the time, I recommend all of you to watch a Japanese drama series One Litre of Tears, because it really makes you consider life aside from all the really really heart wrenching scenes and soul breaking soundtrack. The drama is based on the real life of the deceased Ikeuchi Aya who was diagnosed with Degenerative Spinocerubellar Disease which is a disease that affects the motor ability of the patient who will have difficultly moving, talking and even swallowing food. The OST song Konayuki by Remioromen is really awesome and has beautiful lyrics:)