Aimlessly

 

If you're wondering why I like posting pictures every post, it's cos I feel relieved from a bit of tension looking at them. It's such a waste we can see the beautiful things of this world, but we can't capture them as they look in our minds permanently all the time, isn't it. :(

 

The world is a beautiful and splendid place, better still if there weren't any unnecessary violence *sigh*

 

Today was crazy I had lessons straight with only and hour and a half's break till 6pm. Not much you say but it's ALOT MORE than usual :/

 

I had a stupid migraine after the GP essay test so i spent half of my hour's break resting my head on the table. Alicia and Gracia freaked out when they saw me in the toilet after I washed my face. I must have looked terrible cos they were fussing over me (heartwarming ^^) but it got better afterwards. Just that it's irritating having to go through the usual migraine thing - everything gets alarmingly bright and defined and all the sounds around me get amplified - i was telling dawn it's as if I had dolby surround in my system for a moment. But i'm going for my annual checkup during Sept hols so I can tell my doc that. Actually nothing helps, even with check ups and medicine my migraine won't disappear so ill have to live with it. GOTTA SURVIVEE

 

I've been feeling rather lost these days too. Things I thought would go well didn't happen at all and i'm left with all these false anticipation. I got my hopes too high and crashed heavier, and it's my fault for not trying harder. But i'm so dilemma-ed into whether I should be brave and just...just look and smile.And all my fear caused me to avert my gaze and act stoic.A fault and weakness of mine.And with this I have another fault - I give up altogether.Rather than deal with the pain of worrying about a choice, I fare better at regretting and blaming myself for being chicken. It's a give and take - i can pull off a strong front in all situations but situations so sensitive to the heart. I've taken a step forward with hopes of an end but now I've just turned and fled. So weak. But on the bright side all wounds heal with time, and all I have is a few months before I won't be seeing the one who makes me so confused and troubled everyday.

 

Dawn and I've been talking a lot about things like our romances in future. Dawn adamantly says she wants to take some celibacy or what - basically she doesn't want to give herself up to any guy - and I have absolutely no idea what to say to that. I believe in Que Sera Sera - whatever will be, will be. We don't know what will happen in the future, so I just want to be content at present. Dawn's been worrying about how she's never had a guy go after her before and keeps asking me stuff like "am I not attractive enough?" and all. She's been losing weight a lot these days and it's not that she isn't attractive, but I tell her the impression she gives to guys is that she is not your typical girl - she sometimes intimidates guys haha. The girl says she wants to feel wanted at least once. I don't blame her cos we all want to feel wanted.

 

One day we will get what we dream of, but we might not get them in the way we expected.