Cultural Fatigue

I wish I could go back to this moment at Kegon Falls in Nikko, admiring the natural landscape and immersing myself in the novelty of the surroundings. That's the appeal of travelling isn't it - to have a temporary change in environment to refresh yourself and stimulate your senses with new discoveries of the unfamiliar. And at the end of it all, you return back home with fond memories and anticipation for the next adventure. But such bite-sized, exhilarating experiences don't reflect fully the reality of living there, and that's a realization and conclusion I have come to after more than three months of living here in Japan for my exchange.

Not everything here is bad of course, and I feel I have grown more independent in my thinking and resolve to take initiative and responsibility in all that I do from living on my own. Yet despite the good memories and experiences here (among some pretty annoying ones) I still look forward to the day I pack my luggage and board my flight home to Singapore.

I miss the tropical heat and humidity where I'm free to walk the streets relaxed in slippers, T-shirt and shorts.

I miss the 11pm trips with Mom and Dad to the nearby 24-hour coffee shop for some dim-sum and roti prata supper, and the casual friendliness of the stall owners there.

I miss the peaceful bus rides to school looking out the windows with my earphones on playing music.

I miss stopping by NTUC on the way home from school, figuring out what I should make for dinner for my family.

I miss lying on the cool floor at home giving Skippy back scratches and then holding him in my arms to sniff the furry back of his neck.

I miss walking into the kitchen watching Mom cook and talking to Skippy at the same time.

I miss the sound of Dad playing his stereo or doing his own personal karaoke in his room.

It will still be more than half a year before I get to embrace all these familiar practices of home again, so I feel a little miserable. At times I feel a little sheepish admitting to friends and family that I've gotten a little tired of my life here in Japan, either because some of them who haven't lived in other countries before tend to expect it to be a lot more fun, or because they expect me (of all people, the Japan lover) to be having the time of my life now. It's not something I'm proud to admit too, because I feel like I should be making the most of my one year here, and not mope about wanting to go home.

This makes me think about the future as well. My experience of home as it is will not remain that way forever, even if I wanted it to. I will probably come home to a different house, with different family members, maybe even in a different country at some point. Living here kind of simulates that, and makes good preparation for such a future. However, if I'm feeling homesick like this already, I wonder how I'll fare for bigger, longer and more permanent commitments. I guess that's something I'll have to ask Mom and Dad, and my sisters especially, on their experience and how they got through it. How did it feel to move out of their original households and make their own homes? Even though they have their own families and homes now, they're still in Singapore and we can still meet easily and frequently.

I had this talk with Cam. Many people have asked me (and maybe Cam on his end as well) about where we would eventually settle assuming we do get married. At this point we are open to either Singapore or Perth since both countries are quite similar in terms of living standards and are viable options to stay in. It would probably come down to job opportunities in either country, which is still something relatively distant in the future to consider now. After finishing our studies in 1-2 years, we plan to work in our own countries for about 2 years before looking at opportunities on the other side.

When I spent two weeks in Perth in August this year, I did think about the possibility of me settling here in future. I felt comfortable and enjoyed my time there with Cam, his family and friends, and also the way of living there. However I remember feeling a little low towards the end of the two weeks, not just because I was sad that I would be apart from my boyfriend again, but because I missed home and was feeling a little sad at the thought of leaving Singapore in future to stay here.
What the future holds for us we can't help, and wherever we settle in that time will inevitably come. So I try not to let that bother me too much, and remind myself to focus on what I can do at present.

For now I should continue to be open-minded about living here (as best as I can), and when I go home I should really appreciate the time I have with my family too.