Lately, my interactions with people in school and in the dormitory has got me reflecting on human nature and how people deal with confrontation - regardless whether they're on the receiving end of it or initiating one on someone else. Back in Singapore, people tend to be confrontational most of the time which can be both good and bad. It's great during projects when you don't have the time to be tripped up by unnecessary issues, and bad when it stems from taking offense from a silly misunderstanding and blowing it up into a brawl (which happens quite a lot in MRTs haha). Singaporeans are generally a very vocal bunch (i.e. they complain A LOT) and as one myself, I do consider myself quite a confrontational person.
Though confrontation comes with its downsides and unpleasantness, I generally prefer it more than inaction because the latter gets me feeling uneasy, especially since I tend to get very insecure and self-conscious, constantly drowning in an ocean of thoughts from overthinking. It's just so much better to suss it out before things get worse, and move on with life and other more important things.
Not everyone feels comfortable with confrontation of course - I know it can be scary and heart-pounding to carry out or receive one. I've been there many times, contemplating if I should confront someone about something. It's so much easier to brush the issue off and avoid confrontation because that takes virtually no effort at all - yet I think most people don't actually feel better from that. They might say "Hey, I've avoided potentially aggravating the problem and nothing has changed - soon everyone will forget it and let it go." While this sounds about right, in reality it doesn't always happen that ideal way:
Number one, not everyone can forget it and let it go. Sure, you might have prevented a troublesome situation from happening at that moment by doing nothing. But when questions are left unanswered and suspicions unconfirmed, negative thoughts and feelings fester and take a much longer time to get over - by then it's too late to confront them without things getting awkward.
Number two is an extension from One. When one gets increasingly bothered by an unresolved issue, there needs to be an outlet for those emotions. Some people can suppress it very well, but others fail terribly and start becoming passive aggressive. I'm starting to hate this phrase a lot more now because it doesn't make sense at all. Sure, it is an actual term used to describe a person who's pissed but doesn't want confrontation. But to me these people are just aggressive - desiring to express anger and inflict discomfort without having to own up to it and selfishly wanting others to do something about it. Nothing has changed? Yeah right, now we have a super awkward situation where everyone can obviously see you're mad about something but can't do anything about it because they're "not allowed" to assume you're angry about something. Tell me, how passive is that?
In the process of it all, so much time is wasted, friendships are weakened and it's just exhausting. Not every occasion demands a confrontation of course. For example, I consider many factors such as "Will this bother me in future if I don't deal with this now?" and "Is this a close friend who would understand, or someone with whom I will work with closely again so that confrontation would be worth it?". I know myself best, and if I know that I will beat myself up mulling over the issue later I'd rather save the energy and say something about it now. If it's with a friend or workmate I need to build a relationship of effective teamwork and trust, then I rather be honest with them even if it comes to unpleasant things. Otherwise if it's just a person who just happened to cross my path at this point I don't think it's worth it to clear things up.
I didn't really see the benefit of confrontation till my time in VJC since I'd always been of the mindset that I should be on everyone's "good side" and avoid any possible risk of offense. But when I saw how refreshingly efficient and strong the communication was among the students there, I was inspired to be the same. I admired how confident and real everyone was, and how they had no qualms calling out someone on a mistake or misunderstanding because that's just all it is - a mistake to be ratified and nothing personal beyond that. There weren't any hard feelings, and everyone just moved on. I learnt that if we keep dwelling in our own self-consciousness and image, fearful of stepping on toes - it costs not just us but everyone else around a whole lot more.
I'm still learning though, and I do struggle sometimes when it comes to things that are harder to confront, like any small dissatisfaction or misunderstanding I used to have with Cam. Yet because I know the costs of inaction, I push myself to do it. It gives me a sense of relief and pride when I get over the issue, and when I hear the truth rather than believe the delusions of my mind. I really do hope that more people around me would appreciate how confrontation can be helpful instead of it being scary and problem-aggravating.
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