I feel so wretched and so wrecked. Who would've imagined how stressful it would be? At least for me. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one undergoing this ordeal, especially when Mom told me that my cousin Amanda(who's in the FASS as well) was present at a relatives gathering I missed last night to stay home and clear the overwhelming work I have. Worst still, I haven't actually cleared my work and just thinking about it crushes me.

But that's not the reason for the misery I feel now. I'm really blessed to have a family that cares for my wellbeing so much. The least I could do is to gratefully accept and appreciate their intentions - yet I always find that they have to bear the brunt of my anxiety and stress in form of temperamental outbursts or even just uninterested curt monosyllabic responses to their attempts at striking a harmless conversation with me. 

I catch myself giving them such undeserving treatment only after they kindly step back to give me space without a word of complaint - and by then it's too late. They just want to help me wherever they can to ease my burden, but I just blow them off all the time. It's such an unbearable feeling and I detest this so much I just want to tear myself apart.

I keep wondering when the end of it will come so that I would stop being so unreasonable. However the road ahead seems so bleak it feels like it will never end.

School work has made me so unstable. I feel the pressure to deliver a good piece of work which stresses me so, yet when I'm away from my computer I can't stop thinking about work and the uneasiness and insecurity makes me so angsty that I always feel this urge to rush back home and continue. It's so unhealthy and I'm only worrying my family even more like this.

When will this all end?