University Kid

The ideal image of a female university student:

She's sociable, knowledgeable, stylish and knows what she wants and what to do. She's the one you turn to when you have no idea what the lecturer is talking about, and she whispers back the answer with an easy smile. She strides the corridors confidently and comfortably in her casual but well-put together get up, occasionally waving to friends passing her way. Ask her what she thinks about a topic, and she starts engaging you in a serious yet exciting discussion. 

Actually, that's the image of my own eldest sister Stella back when she was a university undergrad at NUS FASS herself, and when I was the puny sniffling 8 year-old youngest sister whose world at that time revolved around how Germaine Kong didn't want to be my friend anymore and how abacus homework was such a pain. (I can't remember if Germaine and I did end up friends after all haha)

Fast forward 11 years and I'm now a university undergrad myself at the exact school my sister attended. Years ago I probably thought that by the time I hit 19 I would have my shit together, look as awesome as Stella and be rocking university life like a champion.

Emphasis on "I thought". 

I'm totally not feeling up to all those expectations from before (laughs coldly to myself)! I feel LOST all the time, and every time a saviour (a friend) asks me if I've done or if I'm aware of something, I almost always react with a great, big question mark followed by feelings of dread and horror. While I'm all intimidated by how university life seems to be bearing down on us with a load of information we struggle to make sense of, I feel as if I can get through with my friends helping me out and all.

On that note, I really really need to thank my awesome friends who are always looking out for me. Thank you so, so much! TT^TT 

Which is why I titled this post "University Kid",because essentially I still feel like a kid, lost among the sea of real adults. In fact, I would gladly do my abacus homework now without any complaints. Pfft.

I've been in a real deep slump lately, which is not hard to tell judging from the previous few depressing posts. It took a friend whom I met during the Arts O week camp to reach out and help me snap out of it. I guess I was too self-absorbed, wallowing in my own sorry pit foolishly expecting things to get better just by waiting.

It's ironic. I wrote a post (You're No Tragic Hero, June 2014) once long ago saying something about how much I hated people wallowing in self-pity and not actually using that energy to change their situation. Now I'm the very example of what I disapproved before. And I'm not going to take that standing down - I can't have my very own self be what I hate, can I?

So from now onwards, I'm going to push myself again with a new resolve. I can't let anyone catch me in such a sorry state anymore. It's going to be real tough since I've tried stepping out of my comfort zone before (and look at how quickly I snapped right back into it) but with shortlived success.

Here's to the start of university life, and the start of a new me :)